“Let go of what no longer serves you.” Before I received a breast
cancer diagnosis in early 2018 at age 41, I had been trying to figure out what
this means for me. As I now understand cancer to be interconnected with energy
trapped in vulnerable parts of your body, wreaking havoc and leading to
dis-ease, I clearly had not succeeded at “letting go.”
As a woman with a passionate voice who feels deeply, I’ve heard the phrases “you’ve got to let it go” and “tone it down” on many occasions over the years leading up to the cancer diagnosis. Often connected to those who held positions of power over me trying to silence my voice, just hearing the words “let it go” became a trigger.
The breast cancer diagnosis came at a time when my sense of
agency over my life had been diminished to such an extent that I could actually
feel the trapped energy in my body, which led me to feel like I couldn’t
breathe. I was tremendously unhappy and in a way, believed the breast cancer
diagnosis was the catalyst for change I had energetically been calling in.
The Build Up of Tension
As it is for many people in my generation – the forgotten Generation Xers — the American dream failed. My privilege afforded my being able to attend college where I majored in “something practical” so I could make a living, rather than following any of my dreams. I believed my dreams could wait because, as advised by numerous Baby Boomers, if I worked hard early in my career, I would be successful later in life.
As a member of the first generation to not be better off than their parents, I struggled with watching capitalism fail, because I didn’t know how to attempt success any other way. I felt blindsided which left me in a deep depression, contributing fervently to the trapped energies of anger, sadness, blame, and envy in my body.
So what was I to let go of? A dream? Patriotism? Negativity?
Anger? Frustration? Ego? But how? The downward cycle kept spinning and then I
learned I had cancer. Temper tantrums and nervous breakdowns became common and
ironically it was the physical release of screaming and crying, without being
told to tone it down, that inspired a quest to learn how to let go.
I began to understand in order to let in healing, I needed to
create space, and in order to create space, I needed to let go. Supported
generously by a Go Fund Me to to pay for medical costs not covered by
insurance, holistic healing modalities, and the time I needed to heal, I
embarked on a cancer healing journey. Reading, journaling, acupuncture, reiki,
shamanic journeying, restorative and yin yoga, myofascial release, lymphatic
massage, cranial sacral therapy, mindfulness practice, astrology, and feminist
spirituality all played critical roles in helping me heal and find wholeness
with who I am today.
I was determined to uncover how to let it go, and realized what I
learned is relevant to many people who are suffering – whether it’s due to a
long term illness or other causes of pain and suffering in life.
Ten Steps to Let Go
- Breathe. I needed to just be with myself,
my feet grounded firmly beneath me without being anywhere near a mobile device,
and not walking or eating or writing. I needed to Not.Do.Anything but sit or
stand. I began to breathe from deep within my belly and let the exhale all the
way out, over and over and over. - Feeling. While I sat doing nothing but
breathing, I felt feelings and sensations in and on my body. I tasted and
smelled, and listened to sounds and named each one individually. I looked — at
trees, at bugs, at my hands, at my dog — anything around me I just noticed. I
began to understand how harmful bottling up feelings is for our health. I began
to make the connection between the social expectations of hiding our feelings
and the overwhelming number of health issues from which people suffer. I began
to understand that in order to heal, I needed to feel everything I was feeling,
even if that was discouraged in my support system. I learned all feelings are
valid. - Intentions. How did I want to feel? I
wanted to feel free. I wanted to feel loved, supported, healthy, safe,
respected, and able to express myself. It was incredibly hard to imagine how I
could feel any of those feelings in the midst of such agony, but I began
integrating these words into self talk and writing. I learned I needed to shift
my decision making process to a more feminine approach centered on how I desire
to feel, rather than being attached to a goal. I stopped putting energy into
people, activities, and behaviors that didn’t help me feel the intentions I
identified for myself. - Release of Belongings. I went through the
entire house and got rid of so much stuff — cleared out the hidden corners,
emptied the past, and created the space for something new. We held a garage
sale which was a really positive day a clearing and making some cash. My
partner and I sat in the garage for two days just being together and talking
about the stuff we were letting go of — why we don’t use it, what it
represented, how it made us feel at the time in our life when we used it, and
the lesson that time of life may have taught. - Release of Physical Tension. I learned
how to cry with my whole body — shudder, wail, spit, cough, scream, stomp —
getting it out! Now that I was more in tune with where feelings and tension sat
in my body, I was able to focus on releasing the pressure. Yoga, massage, and
myofascial release combined with visualization and breath work helped release
tension and began to heal the torn fascia from multiple surgeries and tight
muscles from years of stress. - Love. Shifting from thinking about cancer
as a fight to loving my body was an extremely positive perspective change for
me. A fight is something many people can lose, but LOVE ALWAYS WINS. I offered
compassion and healing light to the areas of my body in pain. I focused on
balancing my chakra energy centers and learned more about human anatomy so I
could visualize where I was sending light. Instead of being frustrated with the
pain, I sent it love and imagined clearing blocked energy to increase my own
flow of life-force. - Gratitude. Learning how to be grateful
truly accelerated my healing, even though it took a while to figure out. How
can you be grateful when so much is wrong? When I realized the truth around the
law of attraction and how negativity attracts negativity, I started to discover
parts of why my life had fallen so deeply apart. My partner and I began a
gratitude practice that we continue to use everyday. Each morning we ground our
feel evenly to the surface below and express what we are grateful for out loud.
When we reach a stressful point in the day or week, we hold each other
accountable to refrain from complaining, and instead share what we are grateful
for that happened that day or week, and what lessons we learned from the
challenges. - Mindfulness. Being mindful is also a
daily practice I learned by becoming more self aware, listening to guided
meditations on You Tube, and stopping judgments of myself or other people. Once
I was able to practice mindfulness and could stay focused and aware of the
present moment, without creating a story in my mind, a dramatic shift in my
health began to transpire. I started to understand healing is the act of
becoming whole in a new way because you never go back to who you were after
cancer or other long term illness, dis-ease, or trauma. While I ended up losing
my right breast, I feel more whole than I ever was before cancer. - Expectations. While it’s important for me
to have autonomy over the decisions I make, as that’s a critical part of being
empowered, accepting that I do not have any control over other people was something
I had to overcome. This was also hard because of other people’s expectations of
what I “should” do, say, or act. I decided to remove the word “should” from my
vocabulary. I stopped planning and starting being. I have a vision for my life
moving forward, but I cannot be attached to the outcome. Instead I stay true to
my intentions and do, say, and act based on how I want to feel. It takes work
every single day and I can lose my grounding. However, instead of judging
myself for not releasing expectations, I look at every experience as a learning
opportunity and am grateful for the lesson. - Saying
Goodbye. More often than not, letting go leads to releasing people from
life who no longer serve you. For me it was family, friends, and colleagues.
This loss has been incredibly painful — much worse than losing my breast, and
it still hurts. The connectivity between self worth and losing people while
trying to believe in yourself and not directing energy towards blame is
incredibly challenging. It comes back to love and boundaries, and prioritizing
myself, my health, and my energy. When I am sad about all of the loss, I shift
my perspective to gratitude for all I have found.
Acceptance
As I discovered each of these lessons, I came to realize the true
meaning of letting go is acceptance. Acceptance of people and situations for
who and what they are, which includes accepting what has happened to me. In
order to truly let go, to truly accept, there must be forgiveness. I had to
forgive all of the people who hurt and betrayed me. I had to forgive all of the
people who tried to take away my power and my voice. And I had to forgive
myself, for giving away my power, for decisions I made, ways I behaved, things
I said, and then I let it all go.
The old narrative is over. The world is changing. And I am worthy
of loving myself, of being loved, of living a life that feels good for me, and
of being the person I am meant to be.
I offer what I learned so you may find hope, inspiration, and
wisdom to help support your own path to wholeness in mind, body, soul, and
spirit.
Rae Carter is reinventing her life following a
transformational healing journey from cancer and is a voice for heart-centered
social change that honors the cycles of nature with compassion and empathy for
all living beings. Learn more about how she is sharing her gifts at https://www.facebook.com/RaeCarterEmpowR/.
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